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What Are the Signs for Going to Relationship Therapy?

The truth is that any reason is a good reason to go to relationships therapy. Don't wait until your relationship is at rock bottom, to only then invest the time in repairing your relationship.

The Gottmans have suggested the idea that your relationship is like a bank account and for every negative interaction you have, you will need 5 more positive interactions, to compensate for the negative. And if you're very disconnected, it'll need 20 positive for every 1 negative. Think of small and regular deposits into your relationship being needed every day. A kiss, a hug, 3 times a day. A genuine how was your day? Look into their eyes when you speak to them. Put your phone down when you're talking to each other. A rub on the back, a hand on the shoulder, lap. Or whatever works for you to feel small moments of connection, regularly.

The more you put into your relationship, the more your relationship will flourish and the more you take out of it, the less healthy it will look.

What are some signs to go to relationships therapy (and not just for couples)?

For Singles


Often single people come to therapy because they are tired of having unsuccessful or painful relationships. They often long for a partnership but either seem to have relationships involving a lot of conflict and pain, or relationships that they have trouble committing to.


Signs that you may benefit from relationship counselling:


  • you relationships are fraught with pain

  • you long for a relationship, but don’t know how to  find a fulfilling one

  • you are shy or uncomfortable with intimacy

  • you are unable to commit to a relationship, yet would love to have one.


The inability to have a successful relationship is often due to patterns developed in early childhood. As your relationship counsellor, I will work with you to help you breakthrough emotional and behavioural patterns that are interfering with your ability to develop a fulfilling relationship.



For Couples


Relationship problems can occur even in the best of relationships. The most common problems are related to poor communication – feeling unheard, arguments that never get resolved, not expressing feelings and desires to one another and blaming each another.  More serious problems for couples include upheaval due to an extra-marital affair, relationships that are on the brink of separation, emotional or physical abuse, etc.


Signs That You May Benefit from Marriage or Couples Counselling:


  • frequent arguments that never seem to get resolved

  • withdrawal or avoidance of one another on a regular basis

  • a major decrease in emotional and/or sexual intimacy

  • one partner has had an affair

  • the relationship is not meeting your needs and there are issues of trust

  • you have began to talk about separating or fear that you are headed in that direction

  • your spouse does not want to enter relationship counselling with you, but you want therapy to help you improve your own life and/or to decide whether to stay or leave the relationship.


Communication is the key to all successful relationships.  Couples can be provided  with the tools they need to develop happy and fulfilling relationships.

Even the most conflicted and unhappy relationships can be saved, if you as a couple decide that is what you want. 

Through couples or marriage therapy you will discover how to express your needs to one another in healthy ways in order to deepen your intimacy and increase your satisfaction.

Catherine Lally is a highly experienced Counselling Psychologist, with a wealth of experience in assisting couples and individuals in cultivating healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Catherine currently has availability to provide support for couples in Hobart, Tasmania or via telehealth, anywhere in Australia. To schedule a session with Catherine, please contact the administrative team at Eastern Shore Psychology.

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