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  • Sarah Purvey - Clinical Psychologist

Ever Been in Love with a Narcissist?



"Narcissists are the masters of pathologising your emotions. They convince you that your emotional reactions are the problem, rather than the abuse itself." Shahida Arabi


"I'm only talking about how irrational you have been, so you can help improve yourself. I love you and I only want you to feel better about yourself."


Those comments that cut to the core, but have been nicely shielded with a loving statement, It makes you doubt yourself even further. "It must just be my fault then," you think. Maybe if I didn't say that, then he wouldn't have been so angry. "He really does love me."


Have you ever been stuck in a web with a narcissist? Are you still stuck? Does the above sound familiar?


Emotional abuse isn't obvious. And often, he* won't be an asshole, all the time. If he was, it would be easy to leave. And in the early stages of a relationship, it can be so easy to fall in love with someone who is narcissistic. Their jealousy can easily be perceived as loving you deeply, like no one else ever has. It feels like nothing else on the earth, to be so loved. It feels like they truly know you better than anyone else (and they will likely tell you that).


"It's true, because, I know and love you more than anyone else does." The perfect way to keep you in a trap of self doubt.


The strongest of people can be brought to their knees and crippled by self doubt when in a relationship with a narcissist. Love can absolutely cloud judgment. Abusive behaviours might be easy for others to see, but when you're in a relationship, loving feelings can override being objective. And a partner like that, can slowly eat away at self esteem, until it feels insurmountable, to be able to look at the situation realistically.


Did you know it takes on average, at least 7 times for a person to leave their abusive partner?


If you constantly come away from arguments or conflicts with your partner confused, sad, angry and like your partner is able to twist the story into their favour every time, seek help from someone you absolutely trust or see a professional. A relationship shouldn't cause you endless self doubt and suffering. Ultimately you should be able to resolve conflict and move forward, not stuck in continuous cycles of love, lust and abuse. And if you're at that stage, your friends may not be the best ones to speak to, as it will likely be very difficult for them to understand.


A psychologist can help you sort through your relationship, in a non judgmental space. They can help you to make the decision for yourself and help you out of self doubt. Healthy relationships are founded on trust, honesty, unconditional love and a mutual respect for each other. Does your relationship have this?


*Please Note - I have talked here about men in relationships who are narcissistic, but women can of course be narcissistic too, Much of what I have written, applies similarly, when the roles are reversed.



Eastern Shore Psychology :To see us you can obtain a mental health care plan via your GP, to have the majority of your psychology session rebated back to you or you can pay privately, out of pocket (with private health rebates) We'd be happy to support you through or out of your relationship abuse cycle.

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